15 Weeks

I am 15 weeks.  Sunday I stayed home from church because my stomach was turning and I had developed a nasty cold over night…which I still have.  I am still sick every morning.  I am getting bigger though, even though it may not look like it in pictures. You need to understand when I look down at my tummy I see something different that no one else will see (this would be my belly looks a lot larger to me than to anyone else.) Energy wise.. I do find myself beginning to clean up around the house more and catching up on our endless laundry pile. Tomorrow I have made the decision to go down to the gym in the morning before work with my husband. I need to be getting more exercise. I have had this gym membership since the fall and I have missed my whole first trimester of going to the gym so now I need to get back in action.  I am going start by just going 3 days a week. I don’t want to over do myself.

~Exciting News~

I am pregnant! For any moms out there you understand the thrill of being able to say “I am pregnant” for the first time. I am now about 14.5 weeks. So far I feel great, besides being sick in the morning.  My husband has been nothing but an amazing support. I really couldn’t ask for anything better. What a joy this journey has been so far. Christian (my husband) and I have been learning so much.  Every night we lay in bed and I lay my hands on my warm belly and we pray for our baby.  We have come to realize that this baby is God’s and we need to give thanks for this true gift of life He has brought us. In all honesty when I first found out I was pregnant I went through some different feelings some of which were scared and overwhelmed. These are perfectly normal. Lately though I have found great peace and comfort inknowing I am going to have a child. God has shown me a lot through this short time and trusting in Him has been a big one. I can’t wait for the day where I can hold my baby and have him/her fall asleep in my arms.

Other things…. well I really do not like the taste of ham or bacon. Yuck. The worst thing is that at work we had a ham week, so I had to try my hardest to eat the lunches we made there or else there was no lunch at all for me. I do not like baked goods so much either. I might eat half a cookie and then give it away to Christian. Cookies are his favourite!! I love cheese and crackers with dill pickles and olives. Oh and don’t forget LOTS of milk!!! I also love eating fruit!!!!  Besides throwing up every morning I have been feeling really healthy. I am beginning to regain some energy.  Actually today was my first time in weeks and I mean WEEKS where I cleaned the floors in my house and my kitchen looks all nice and squeaky clean. Christian was kind enough to clean the bathroom. It feels so nice to have a clean house again and on top of that my laundry is just about all done. Ah it really feels great to get things done. One more thing… I need to brag a little more about my husband (hope you don’t mind) He’s absolutely handsome and I enjoy spending lots of time with him. He makes me laugh when I feel stressed and I don’t need to be. The best thing is he is going to make an amazing father. Our child is going to be so lucky to have Christian for a dad. I am very proud of him in everything he does. There now I am done bragging about him. I do love him a lot… I can’t deny that.   

Now my belly is telling me I am hungry and I am feeling like I would like to eat a grapefruit, so I am ending here.

Take care

-J

Broken People

It was been so long since I last wrote something on here. In fact I have often sat down to write and I get about this far.  It’s not that I cannot find something to write it’s that  I cannot find the words to express what God is doing in my life.

I will admit things are pretty crazy in the Gowan home. We are just getting ready for the fall ministry and I am praying for God’s protection and peace to be over it all. I am very excited for what is to come for the fall.

Here is something wrote that is on my heart.

God I see the people

Broken, hungry

They need you

The decisions they make

“I do I pay rent

or do I buy groceries for

my 3 year old?”

It hurts, my heart is torn

The battles they face everyday

They need you

 Help me to show you to them

Lavish your compassion

Send your mercy

Show your love to these people

They are ready for your help.

Protect them

under your mighty wing.

 

 

 

Amazing Grace

Grace. Some people may look at this word and say “oh what a nice name.” or ” that is not for me.”

What we do not understand that grace is not just a name for a little girl and yes it is something for you. Do people today even know what grace is? I looked grace up on dictionary.com the word has such a deep meaning that we humans cannot fully understand it.

From my understanding God fully expressed grace to the world when he choose His son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for our sins.

“Divine grace is the free and undeserved love and favor of God towards man as a sinner, especially as exhibited in the plan of redemption through Jesus Christ.”

We all know the John 3:16 verse. If you don’t know please read it for yourself. This verse screams out the grace of God and the love He has for his creation.

I feel as though lately God has been trying to teach me about grace. It a soft and slighten way. It’s almost as though everywhere I go I hear people talking about grace in some way or another. My eyes are constantly caught by books or posters that say the word grace on them. huh interesting… isn’t it?

Grace is so deep that it is very difficult for anyone to really understand it or fully conprehend it.

Grace is being patient when you want have control.

Grace is the giving up of your own needs and wants for someone even if that person does not understand, care or know. Grace is love in action.

It  is a sacrifce.

What are your thoughts about grace? What does grace look like to you?

I just thought I would add this song. It is one of my favorite songs.

Grace like Raint – Todd Agnew

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I’m found
Was blind but now I see so clearly

Chorus:
Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away

‘Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

Chorus

When we’ve been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun
We’ve no less days to sing Your praise
Than when we first begun

Chorus

Chorus

Blessings

J.

~Love Defined~

I found this when I went home over the weekend in one of my old journels. I remember writing years ago. 

- Love is when an old lady who cannot tie her shoes because of her arthritis and her husband gets down on his knees and carefully ties each shoe with love and care even though he has arthritis too. -

Love, is something that every person may have a different understanding to or experience of. One thing we need to know is that God’s love for us remains the same. It does change and it does not fade. It’s eternal. He loves you so much. He loves me so much. Remember God sent down His only son to this earth as a baby. He was born in a manger. The King of Kings was not born in a castle or palace he was born in a stable where animals feed. Jesus is his name. He died for us on the cross. He took with him all the sins of the world on His shoulders. Why did he do it? Why did he die? Died because he loves us and so that we may have a relationship with him and have a life eternally with him in heaven. This is love. This man I speak of is the most loving man you will ever know or hear of ever. He loves you live crazy!

John 3:16

 ”For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

 

 

~Our God is so Beautiful~

God amazes me. Does he amaze you? I have been reading two books. One is called Crazy Love. It is all about how much God love us and how He is so crazy about us. It also talks about how we can see how of loving God He is through His creativity. Think about it… He created each person to be different, he could have made us all the same to make things easier for Himself, He also gave us all different laughs, ways of talking and thinking. Creative… I think so. Look at the animals each one is different. Where He came up with the idea of making an animal with such a long neck … I do not know. He thought up the seasons. He thought that snow should be cold to touch and rain wet. He thought up all the different flowers and their colors. Beautiful isn’t it? He thought of all the different colors to create a magnificent sunset. I could go now with more. All these things and more are ways God express Him self to us and how much He love us. He could have created us a dirt brown world and had us all look the same… but He didn’t, because our God is a beautiful God.
As funny as that sounds we need to recognize the beauty and splendor of God more often, because what He has given to us, is truly an amazing gift.
All you need to do is read Genesis 1 and you see how he started it all.

~Be Completely Humble~

I am still around. I just do not have as much time as I would like to blog. I am currently working in a daycare ministering to young children and the staff. Is it easy? No. Is it rewarding? Yes. There have been days I have gone home crying feeling so broken for the children. All I can do is pray for them and their families. I couldn’t how much I love the children I am will everyday. They are amazing. They make my day something to look forward too. I always know I am in for some surprises with them.

 

My struggle is sometimes I feel like I want to be out on the streets evangelizing instead of changing diapers, cleaning up messes, and giving time outs. I have come to realize that this job is very humbling job. I am not just dealing with children but I am dealing with parents as well. If a parent is unhappy with the way I do something it’s my job to make them happy. I have to express my failures to different parents. And I’ll let you know… that is not something anyone really enjoys doing especially with someone you don’t know really at all. I am learning how to be humble and venerable with people I do not even know. There are many days were I feel like hiding in a hole.

 

I believe these feelings I am feelings are not bad but good. No I do not enjoy them in the moment but I know looking back I am learning and I am being stretched. I know God is teaching me something through all of this; even though I may not like it and I want hide away. There are days when I feel so vulnerable I feel naked.  

 

I am sorry if you have got the impression that work is hard and I do not like it. That is not what I am trying to convey at all. I am just expressing my thoughts and what I am feeling. I love the daycare and I love the kids like crazy. I am not going to lie or try to sound fake by telling you the working with children from ages 0-5 years old is easy. It’s not easy it’s not but I love the children, they bring joy to my day. I see God expressing His love to me through them. It’s truly amazing! My job is very humbling.

 

The word humble from the dictionary.com website means:

 

hum⋅ble

–adjective

1.	not proud or arrogant; modest: to be humble although successful.

 

2.	having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience, etc.: In the presence of so many world-famous writers I felt very humble.

 

3.	low in rank, importance, status, quality, etc.; lowly: of humble origin; a humble home.

 

4.	courteously respectful: In my humble opinion you are wrong.

 

5.	low in height, level, etc.; small in size: a humble member of the galaxy.

–verb (used with object)

6.	to lower in condition, importance, or dignity; abase.

 

7.	to destroy the independence, power, or will of.

 

8.	to make meek: to humble one’s heart.

 

Ephesians4:2

 

  " Be completely humble and gentle ; be patient , bearing with one another in love ."

 

This verse I felt God bring to my attention the other night. I felt him telling me that this is to be the verse for work at the daycare. I spoke directly to me in that very moment and I now pray it before I go to work because I want this to be my prayer. I pray that this verse may be of something powerful to you as it was and still is for me.

 

Blessings

~Flawed Families~

Have you ever sat down and left this stirring inside of you to write. It’s almost as though you feel something in your heart and the depth of your belly, but the only problem you cannot figure what it is telling you to write. This is where I am right now. I feel God is doing something in me. I feel something stirring and I am only hungry for more. I wish I could share with you more.

 

Right now I am reading from the book of Genesis and I am finding God given so much revelation as I am reading it. It’s incredible. I am just reading about what we know is in the book of Genesis but I am also reading and learning about how about families the things God does not like about some families. I knew all this stuff before but it’s just this huge revelation now that I am married. I am really enjoying learning all the things God is teaching me right now. Many people may have the stereotype that every family in the Bible was perfect. WRONG! In fact there are more families that were flawed and had huge problems than there were families that were God centered and loving. 

 

In my last year of college I read a book called Flawed Families in the Bible. It’s an amazing book. It gives you a deeper understanding to the families in the Bible and what each person in the families would have been going through at that time. Now after reading that book I have gone back and read about some of those families and I have this deeper understanding. Brain automatically thinks about everyone and what is happening for them….even if they are not the ones talking in the story or if they are not mentioned.

 

I guess you can say I am learning a lot about families. God is teaching me a lot. I am really enjoying where I am at right now. I am soaking in what the Lord in pouring into me. Anyways I just thought I would share a piece of my heart with you today. Thanks for reading.

~Update – I am married!~

I am here…no I did not fall off the face of the earth. I am still around. I recently got married about 3 weeks ago on May 10^th 2008! 2 weeks before getting married Christian came home from B.C and I graduated. Do I enjoy being married? Of course! There is a lot of learning that comes with it though. Your no longer thinking about your own needs and wants but you are thinking for two now. I am still learning about everything… but something I have learned is, you need to communicate and connect with each other. Above all you need to keep God at the center of your marriage. What comes with marriage is sacrifice. I have enjoyed these 3 weeks with my husband and I only look forward a long future ahead of us. I love it!!

~My Heart~

Today has been such a weird day for me. I would not say it has been a bad day. I have been burden to pray for certain people. I have been having dreams of people God has told to be praying for and their situations. I feel God is taking me into a new season of prayer. I feel He’s taking me to a deeper place of intimacy with Him.  I know am an intercessor and it’s my job to be walking that out and I see he’s only taking to a place that is deeper and possibly more challenging but I willing and I ready because what I desire more than anything else in the world, is to have a deeper and more intimate relationship with God.

  

Canada, our country has been a burden on my heart to pray for as well. I feel as though I need to be praying more for our leaders in government and pray again child pornography. Canada first started out as the “Christian” country and now it’s slowly has moved from that. I believe God will bring Canada to where He wants it to be, a place of freedom, a place where His glory will reign from sea to sea.

Our Country’s verse is Psalm 72

A Psalm of Solomon.

 1 Give the king Your judgments, O God,
         And Your righteousness to the king’s Son.
 2 He will judge Your people with righteousness,
         And Your poor with justice.
 3 The mountains will bring peace to the people,
         And the little hills, by righteousness.
 4 He will bring justice to the poor of the people;
         He will save the children of the needy,
         And will break in pieces the oppressor.
         
 5 They shall fear You^[a]
         As long as the sun and moon endure,
         Throughout all generations.
 6 He shall come down like rain upon the grass before mowing,
         Like showers that water the earth.
 7 In His days the righteous shall flourish,
         And abundance of peace,
         Until the moon is no more.
         
 8 He shall have dominion also from sea to sea,
         And from the River to the ends of the earth.
 9 Those who dwell in the wilderness will bow before Him,
         And His enemies will lick the dust.
 10 The kings of Tarshish and of the isles
         Will bring presents;
         The kings of Sheba and Seba
         Will offer gifts.
 11 Yes, all kings shall fall down before Him;
         All nations shall serve Him.
         
 12 For He will deliver the needy when he cries,
         The poor also, and him who has no helper.
 13 He will spare the poor and needy,
         And will save the souls of the needy.
 14 He will redeem their life from oppression and violence;
         And precious shall be their blood in His sight.
         
 15 And He shall live;
         And the gold of Sheba will be given to Him;
         Prayer also will be made for Him continually,
         And daily He shall be praised.
         
 16 There will be an abundance of grain in the earth,
         On the top of the mountains;
         Its fruit shall wave like Lebanon;
         And those of the city shall flourish like grass of the earth.
         
 17 His name shall endure forever;
         His name shall continue as long as the sun.
         And men shall be blessed in Him;
         All nations shall call Him blessed.
         
 18 Blessed be the LORD God, the God of Israel,
         Who only does wondrous things!
 19 And blessed be His glorious name forever!
         And let the whole earth be filled with His glory.
         Amen and Amen.
         
 20 The prayers of David the son of Jesse are ended.  

I don’t even know what to say anymore my heart is so burden for Canada. I believe God will restore the church of Canada to the place he desire. Does is sound far fetched? Maybe but isn’t God a big God who does big things! I don’t believe in dreaming small. I dream big. I want to see men and women who use children for porn brought to Christ; I want to see the abortion laws in Canada to be illegal, I want see freedom in the church of Canada. My heart is so heavy right now. Please pray with me for Canada! Rise up Church of Canada!